10. Beautiful Bali (and boobies!)

I arrived safely, if interestingly, to my hotel. They also drive on the left in Bali, I always assume that’s a sign of British rule at some time or other but I don’t actually know. My taxi driver was keen to chat and practice his English which I would have minded less if he didn’t keep turning round for large periods of time to fully face me … in the back of the car! The majority of the main roads we came down were dual carriageways. We always used the third lane, which is the one that goes right down the middle and straddles the other two lanes. Seems all of the Balinese drivers are aware of this third lane and also use it as required so it was fine. They clearly know how the roads should have been laid out and marked so they use that rather than what is actually physically signposted and painted on the road. I’ve been told that the drivers in Portsmouth follow a similar driving principal so it must be a remarkably sensible approach.

I’ve been to Bali before although not this exact part. I realise how very much I utterly love it. It’s beautiful, seems to be welcoming of all and an atmosphere that I love. The main religion here is Hindu - unlike the rest of Indonesia, which is almost entirely Muslim - but it is its own special version of Hinduism which is more influenced by other spiritual elements and heavily guided by nature. It is specifically called and recognised as Balinese Hinduism. One of the main features of it are the ‘offerings’. The people make daily offerings to their own versions of the gods and spirits - a combination of the main Hindu gods, that represent different elements (the creator of the earth, the creator of death and the protector of life) and the good and evil spirits in nature. Offerings are made every day to thank / ask for support from the ‘good’ gods and to appease or try to ‘keep happy’ the ‘bad’ spirits to avoid misfortune. The offerings are in a very particular form and basket and include flowers of certain colours along with a number of other elements - which often include food and sometimes a cigarette. The gods get hungry too and apparently have their own vices! The offerings are always prepared by the women - got to keep them busy somehow. Education is expensive in Bali so if anyone in a family goes to school, it will usually be the sons. Perhaps because they are naturally less intelligent and need more help in the first place …..  A market stall holder I spoke to (while she was doing an excellent job of scamming me into buying stuff from her shop and which I felt obliged to do, of course) said she’d love to go to England because ‘in your country, women are equal’. Sad. Although I imagine she’s got a rose tinted idea of what it’s really like …. Probably like I have with Bali from my white-western tourist view point!

Anyway, the offerings are often left in the many spirit houses or miniature temples dotted around everywhere, which are dressed and ‘prettied up’ accordingly. I saw one entirely made of coral and things from the sea … since I imagine, given the size of it, that most of it didn’t wash up naturally on the shore and were instead hoicked from where they were growing on the reef off the beach, I’d suggest the offerings might need to for the sea gods who I’d imagine must be mightily pissed off! Sometimes the offerings are just left on the pavement outside a shop or in the road. It is important not to step over (or on!) an offering until at least the incense stick that will also be on it has burnt down and gone out. Presumably at the point, the god has moved on to snack on the next offering he finds. In additional to the offerings, Bali has an excellent line of stone statues and ornate or just excellent stone work. They seem to quite like boobies too in their stone work. They’re not alone there though I’m sure! I feel my garden gnome collection could only be improved by a Balinese stone work addition, but there is absolutely no way my weight or luggage limit would allow that!

I have also noticed some good signage around the place - some of the locals best advertising. If you put it on a sign, it must be true ….. Also an excellent set rules, despite the spellings, for the use of the pool, particularly no3.

And some other slightly alarming ones - although the first one below a stark reminder of the legacy of the Boxing Day tsunami here and loss so many suffered. The evacuation routes marked quite randomly around all point away from the beach, so I presume they’d be evacuating from tsunami, rather than volcanic eruption or fire or anything else! Hope those signs don’t backfire ever with the wrong disaster! The other sign, I’m not sure what I’d rent them for - but this is on a lot of signs on similar boards advertising rentals for surfboards etc. Unsure if they mean buoys, which may be advisable if snorkelling near the boats, or boys to teach you how …or maybe you really can just rent yourself a boy. I’m tempted to ask if I can have one to do my packing and organise my bag for the next trip.

While here, in addition to wandering the beach front, day time and in the evenings, where it is all beautifully lit pathways, and spotting the stone features, I have mostly read a whole book, sat about, looked at the sea and very much relaxed in between the two diving weeks’ adventures I’m having! Bliss. I’ve also eaten quite a lot as the food in Bali is another absolute highlight. I always try to eat some of the local specialities. One of them here is the most amazing crispy duck with a selection of sauces in little pots. I also had a ‘Bali special pizza yesterday; another of the local delicacies obviously! I’ll be needing to add another weight to by gear to dive next week to counteract the floaty fat I’m probably accumulating!

There are a lot of dogs in Bali but they mostly seem to be fed and cared for by the locals and quite friendly. There is a dog who seems to reside on the beach at my hotel. When I first approached I wasn’t sure it wasn’t just dead, sprawled out on the sand but I realised it wasn’t when another dog approached and our hotel one made it very clear the interloper wasn’t welcome. Fortunately, the hotel dog is happy to have humans around - just not other dogs or even pigeons, apparently, as he leapt up growling and saw a couple of them off earlier. At some point in the day, a local turns up incessantly blowing his whistle, which the dogs respond to as though he’s the pied piper. Once he’d fed them all today, our hotel dog returned to his hole in the sand that he’d dug for himself under one of the sun beds. The man pointed to it and told me the dog was called Tina. ‘Tina?’ I queried, to which he replied ‘Yeeesssss….’ And then followed that with a quick burst of ‘River Deep, Mountain High’. At no point did the dog seem to acknowledge anything and didn’t appear in anyway aware that its name was Tina, I actually thought it was a boy dog to but who am I to judge. I almost asked the man if it was named recently in honour of Tina Turner since she’d died but I wasn’t convinced he’d know that and I didn’t want to ruin his day so I just clapped his solo and he went on his way. Tina the boy dog remained and continued to guard the beach for the rest of the day!

I’m just off for dinner for my last evening before heading to the airport tomorrow to fly to the island that I will join my boat on for the week’s dive trip. My friend Shelley (an American diver who now lives in Thailand) has arrived and we’re all set!

Later this evening, I shall return to my room and relax with a delicious cup of tea (kettle and mini fridge that I immediately stocked with fresh milk!) in my room or possibly on my lovely little balcony in the trees. What I won’t be doing is lighting any of the little tea lights that are provided. Why would a hotel, whose rooms are made almost entirely of wood and surrounded by forest, do that? Provide the utensils to actively encourage guests to light tiny naked flames around the place? Little fires that provide a flickery light to induce a headache. My friends Helen and Victoria would quite possibly be in their elements as they’re fan of setting tiny fires in their home (in the form of candles that is not; they’re not arsonists!). I shall just set the ambience for drinking tea and reading my book with the bedside lamp thank you very much.

One final thought before I end today…. Why the bloody hell have they rebranded Coke Zero to a design that is in a red (rather than black) can exactly the same as full-fat coke? I’ve twice been given normal coke today and had to get it changed. I don’t mind that my drink of choice looks different to the traditional red of coke. I have no issues with no drinking the original coke product. In fact, I’d prefer it didn’t appear the same so people can tell the difference between the two. It’s terribly upsetting and I’m sure due to some kind of cost saving idea from the multinational company, who’s brand is recognised world-wide but must be a bit short of money to pay this year’s bonuses. It’s annoying. And as soon as I’m somewhere that the only canned (so likely less chance of it carrying bugs or dirty water from ice) option isn’t produced by Coca-Cola, I shall be sure to order something else. First world problems (I initially wrote that with hashtag but then I remembered that I am a 40 year old woman who prefers a delicious cup of tea to any other drink and selects the restaurant for the evening according entirely to its name. Hashtags have no place in my world!).